她的一生

在资料馆观看了这部戈达尔的名片，当场座无虚席，我与朋友坐在最后一排，看人头翕动。随着电影发展，大家纷纷开始小声交头接耳，原因比较明显，看不太懂。

我居住的地方是一个影视园区，其中大多数人都是影视方面的创业者，会来光顾这家资料馆的想必也是同一批人。恰恰是这部分观影人群，更容易被本片误导，把握不到其中的核心意图——这里的对话要推进怎样的剧情、表达怎样的人物关系？这个镜头语言要表达导演怎样的含义？这个人物对核心表意有怎样作用……

在我看来，这部影片表达的是语言的失效。当人与人之间沟通的最重要手段——语言，变得不可靠时，一个美丽至极的女人将经历怎样的人生。

首先，影片百分之八十以上的时间都用在了对话上，而仔细分析后就会发现，这些人物间的对话大多数都是莫名其妙、言不达意的。答非所问，无法准确表达自己的感情，说到痛处，只能重复——影片中出现了两次非常不自然的重复。

“这关你什么事？这关你什么事？这关你什么事？这关你什么事？这关你什么事？这关你什么事？”

“别这样，娜娜。”

中间娜娜在餐厅中和那个萍水相逢的老人的谈话，直接点题地说出了这个主旨——语言的效果，关于谎言和言不达意。有趣的是，就连这一段表达中心思想的对话，两人大多数时候还在自说自话。语言在这里也是失效的。

其次，声音上。影片中出现了数次突然的消音，有时甚至是角色或旁白还在说话的时候。这时就会看到空有嘴唇翕动、字幕告诉我们她在说什么，但声音全无。失声和失语的类比。

最后，配乐是一段令人印象深刻的小段重复，这段忧伤的音乐片段不时出现。除了另外两个地方用了影片中场景内出现了的歌曲作为场景配乐，这个选段是本片唯一的配乐，从头到尾没有变化，没有渐进。这也暗示了娜娜的境遇从头到尾都没有变过，在这个语言失效的世界，她的结局从一开始便已注定。

本片的节奏非常稳定，将娜娜无奈又颓唐的生活娓娓道来。因为对话的段落非常之多，我们便欣赏到了戈达尔除了正反打外，对对话场景的各种有趣的处理方式，其中很对是有开创性的。

最令人印象深刻的还是娜娜站起身，用手量自己的身高，天真可爱简直要溢出荧幕。我将来也要给我喜欢的姑娘拍出这种感觉的电影。

片名：随心所欲 （又译：我的一生）一部有12个场景的电影

序幕 把“你”借给别人，但将“自己”留给自己。

第一幕 在咖啡屋---NANA想要和PAUL分手---弹子游戏机

我不知道，我也想知道我在想什么。

没什么。我只是想要用一种精确的方式传达。

我不知道怎样才能最好地表述它。

或者，更确切地说，我是知道的，但当我明知该如何做的时候，事到临头，却又做不好了。

你从未问过我我想要的，你常想要我做你想做的。

爱你让人精疲力尽。我常常不得不乞求。

我曾认为跟你谈谈是很重要的，可我再也不这么想了。但我们说得越多，在一起的可能性就愈少。

你说你爱我，可你从不认为我与众不同。

你为什么这样说？我认为每个人都是一样的。我现在几乎不爱你了，但我始终觉得你与众不同。

自行感受~

第二幕 唱片店--2000法郎--NANA过着自己的生活

你把太多重要的东西跟逻辑联系上了。

第三幕 门房--PAUL--《圣女贞德蒙难记》--一个新闻记者

死亡。（I'amour 爱）

第四幕 警察局---NANA被审问

我...我是另一个人了。

第五幕 林荫大道--第一个男人--房间

第六幕 遇见YVETTE--市郊的咖啡屋--RAOUL--街上的枪击事件

生活如此艰辛。我真想要逃离，逃到热带去。

逃跑是白日梦。为什么？生活就是如此。

生活如此苦闷，但不是我的错。

“”我举手、转头、不高兴、抽烟、闭眼-----我有责任”

“我想，我们总是要为我们的所作所为负责。我们是自由的”

“即使我忘了我有责任，可我仍有责任”

“我想告诉你，你是无处可逃的。everything is beautiful，你需要的仅仅是对某事产生兴趣。”

“毕竟，东西就是他们本身”

“消息就是消息，盘子就是盘子，男人就是男人，以及生活....就是生活”

第七幕 信函--RAOUL又来了---香榭丽舍大道

对我来说，有三种女孩：有一种表情的，两种表情的，还有三种表情的

第八幕 每天下午--金钱--盥洗池--快乐--酒店

第九幕 一个年轻男人--LUIGI--NANA想知道她是否快乐

第十幕 大街上--一个家伙--幸福是无趣的

第十一幕 DU CHATELET 某处--一个陌生人--NANA不知不觉变成哲学家

常常会，突然不知道要说什么。思考说出的话是否能表达我本意。但到要表达时却未必可以讲出。

所以他（Porthos《三个火枪手》）第一次思考，就害死了自己。

一个人为什么必须说话呢？

人不应该常常交谈，而应该活在沉默中。

有时候说的越多，言语表达出的东西越少。

取自豆瓣图片

“真理存在于万物之中，甚至在错误里。”

偶然真理+必然真理=生活。生活里人们总会被思考约束，被错误包围，又必须设法应对它，It's true.

取自豆瓣图片

第十二幕 又是那个年轻人--《椭圆形画像》---NANA被RAOUL交易

帅！！！

美！！！

为什么？艺术和美景不就是生活。

我爱你

看法国电影配英文字幕的中国观众。

不知道为什么就变成了这样。

但证明好电影阻拦不了。

人们想看的冲动。

除结尾不喜欢。

挖到宝的。

一天。

真好~

嘻~

Nana: Why are you reading?

Parain: It's my job.

Nana: It's odd. Suddenly I don't know what to say; it often happens to me. I know what I want to say. I think about whether it is what I mean. But when the moment comes to speak, I can't say it.

Parain: Yes, of course. You've read the Three Musketeers?

Nana: I saw the film, why?

Parain: Because in it, Porthos, this is really in Twenty Years Later, Porthos, all strong, a little stupid, he has never thought in his life. He has to place a bomb in the cellar to blow it up. He does it. He places the bomb, lights the fuse, then he runs away of course. But suddenly he begins to think. What about? How is it possible to put one foot before the other? You must have thought about that too. So he stops running. He can't go on. He can't move forward. The bomb explodes, the cellar fell on him. He holds it up with his shoulder. But after a day, or maybe two, he is crushed to death. The first time he thought, it killed him.

Nana: Why did you tell me that story?

Parain: No reason, just to talk.

Nana: Why must one always talk? Often one shouldn't talk, but live in silence. The more one talks, the less words mean.

Parain: Perhaps. But can one?

Nana: I don't know.

Parain: I've found that we can't live without talking.

Nana: I'd like to live without talking.

Parain: Yes, it would be nice, wouldn't it? Like loving one another more. But it isn't possible.

Nana: But why? Words should express just what one wants to say. Do they betray us?

Parain: But we betray them, too. One should be able to express oneself. It has been done in writing. Think: someone like Plato, can still be understood - he can. Yet he wrote in Greek, 2,500 years ago. No one really know the language, at least not exactly. Yet something get through, so we should be able to express ourselves. And we must.

Nana: Why must we? To understand each other?

Parain: We must think, and for thoughts, we need words. There's no other way to think. To communicate, one must talk, that is our life.

Nana: Yes, but it is very difficult. I think life should be easy. Your talk of the Three Musketeers may make a good story, but it's terrible.

Parain: Yes, but it's a pointer. I believe, one learns to talk well only when one has renounced life for a time. That's the price.

Nana: So, to speak is fatal?

Parain: Speaking is almost a resurrection in relation to life. Speech is another life from when one does not speak. So, to live in speech, one must pass through the death of life without speech. I may not be putting it clearly, but there's a kind of ascetic rule that stops one from taking well until one sees life with detachment.

Nana: But one can't live everyday life with... I don't know

Parain: With detachment. We balance, that's why we pass from silence to words. We swing between the two because it's the movement of life. From everyday life one rises to a life we call superior, the thinking life. But this life presupposes one has killed the everyday too elementary life.

Nana: Then thinking and talking are the same thing?

Parain: So I believe. Plato said so, it's an old idea. One cannot distinguish the thought from the words that express it. An instant of thought can only be grasped through words.

Nana: So one must talk and risk lying?

Parain: Lies too, are part of our quest. Errors and lies are very similar.

Nana: (Tries to interrupt)

Parain: I don't mean ordinary lies, like I promise to come tomorrow, but I don't, as I didn't want to. You see, those are ploys. But a subtle lie is a little different from an error. One searches and can't find the right word. That's why you didn't know what to say. You were afraid of not finding the right word, that's the explanation.

Nana: How can one be sure of having found the right word?

Parain: One must work. It needs an effort. One must speak in a way that is right, doesn't hurt, says what has to be said, does what has to be done, without hurting or bruising.

Nana: One must try to be in good faith. Someone told me: "There is truth in everything, even in error."

Parain: That's true. France didn't see it in the seventeenth century. They thought one could avoid error, and what's more, that one can live directly in the truth. It isn't possible. Hence Kant, Hegel, Germany philosophy: to bring us back to life, and makes us see that we must pass through error to arrive at the truth.

Nana: What do you think about love?

Parain: The body had to come into it. Leibnitz introduced the contingent. Contingent truths and necessary truths make up life. German philosophy showed us that in life, one thinks with the servitudes and errors of life. One must manage with that, that's true.

Nana: Shouldn't love be the only truth?

Parain: For that, love would always have to be true. Do you know anyone who knows at once what he loves? No. When you are twenty you don't know. All you know are bits and pieces, you make arbitrary choices. Your "I love" is an impure affair. But to completely at one with what you love you need maturity. That means searching, that is the truth of life. That's why love is a solution, on condition that it is true.

字幕来源: //www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUp_du3awI0

与Nana交谈的学者为法国哲学家 Brice Parain (Courcelles-sous-Jouarre, 10 March 1897 - 20 March 1971 ) //en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brice_Parain

在法师展观看这部影片时，有那么好几次，我暗暗感叹：娜娜一定会是卡比利亚的好姐妹。《卡比利亚之夜》和《随心所欲》像是费里尼和戈达尔的隔空击掌。

娜娜觉得沦落风尘是自己的选择，和他人无关。她是自由的，她有权选择，她随心所欲地生活，也为自己的随心所欲负责。她用朗诵般的语调耸着肩和朋友说着，我举手，我有责任；我转头，我有责任；我不高兴，我有责任；我闭上眼睛，我有责任；我忘了我有责任，我仍然有… 她不是悲戚的，她把自己借给他人，把自己留给自己。

卡比利亚也是如此，用悲惨形容她并不合适。虽然她的生活过得着实不易，她还是满足的。在大明星跟前也不露怯，你该看看她如何挑眉撇嘴：我甚至有一支温度计！那不是说她很物质，只是她更朴实，不会那么流畅地表达自己，也不像娜娜那么爱聊生命，她说想太多脑子会爆炸的，带着上下翻飞的意大利鸡爪手势。

随心所欲里讲到一个小孩写的关于一只鸡的故事，鸡有inside和outside。移除outside，你看到了inside。移除inside，你才能找到soul。

于我来说，卡比利亚流露最深处的soul是在舞台上，在催眠下戴上花环陷入幻想的那一刻。这么狗血神神叨叨的玛丽苏超现实幻想却被费里尼拍得那么动人。

而娜娜的灵魂时刻可能不是在咖啡馆和陌生人力所不逮地大聊哲学，而是直视着银幕上的圣女贞德，与她同呼吸地流下泪水。

也被投币点唱机音乐响起的那一刻折服。不如跳舞，娜娜跳得不算好看，男人们或是冷眼忽略或是嫌弃，那都不重要，她开心地转来绕去，音乐停止时她靠着柱子，有那么片刻的怅然。卡比利亚从幻想中惊醒感到的也是羞愧，无所适从。她也跳过一段，向《雨中曲》致敬的街头起舞，一下子变成了《大路》里的杰索米娜，跳得也不算好看，那也不重要，随性尽兴的生命之舞最重要。

我忍不住大胆而超主观地猜测，王家卫很有可能从这两部电影里摄取了几丝游魂，注入了《重庆森林》里的阿菲。

她们的结局。卡比利亚站在悬崖上，将要和他结婚的男人问，你会游泳吗？整个影厅恍然大悟：啊…这男的又又又是来谋财害命的…大家为她着急，也伴随着一些轻笑声：你怎么又又又被骗了...卡比利亚太后知后觉，所幸那男人还有仅存的善意，带走了她的钱，留下了她的命。她失魂落魄地走在黑夜的大路上，一帮善良的陌生人载歌载舞簇拥着她，她的笑脸上落下一滴黑色眼泪。神一般的光辉时刻，那不会是现实，只是费里尼不忍心。

好姐妹娜娜则是被拉皮条的男人拽去卖给别人，她抗拒，想逃，被决绝地给了一枪，扑倒在大街上，电影结束。戈达尔比费里尼狠心，也更写实，影厅传来很多轻声的哈？

一部电影的时间对她们来说意味着什么？卡比利亚竖着的眉毛慢慢低顺下来，费里尼电影里的风尘女总是朝天竖着眉毛，怒气冲冲的喜感大于其瘆人的程度。娜娜则是挂着越来越自如轻佻的神情，和她刚开始看到的街边女人一样漫不经心地裹了裹外套，四处张望，熟稔地转换鞋尖方向。

法国和意大利电影里的六十年代，为自己找出路的女性角色往往在站街，就像电影里民国时期的上海，穿着旗袍的独立女性不是小三就是间谍，或者…都是… 乱世无序无依，只能出卖自己，毕竟那是耳边会突然响起枪声的战后欧洲，生活本身就是失序而混沌的。当然堕落天使的特定身份也自带把身体给别人灵魂给自己的反差，娜娜和卡比利亚尤其如此，虚无和迷惘的内外壳里裹着高贵的自尊。她们没有完全垮掉。

去年的意大利大师展，映前播放了博洛尼亚电影资料馆馆长的导赏视频，颇为嫉妒地看着他背对着超大幅阿玛柯德海报说道：这次影展将透过意大利电影大师的目光，带领大家去看真实的意大利，进一步了解二十世纪的意大利，了解意大利的精髓。

很简单而有分量的几句话，那些绝非传统意义上的好看和靓丽光鲜的电影，甚至相反是关于拒绝工作的落魄乞丐，去偷自行车狼狈被抓的父亲，无能狂吠又惶惑痛哭的江湖艺人... 他说那些是意大利的精髓。当时听到大为感动。